Rock and a Hard Place

26 Feb

Tea is an excellent soother.


In that moment, where you shake with anger or frustration, or feel sad or lonely, the easiest thing to do is put the kettle on. It calms the nerves, clears the mind, and puts out the fire.


I had a pretty rough weekend. Most of it I’m not going to explain — because I can’t, unfortunately — but I will say:  I was left in a pretty shaky state earlier.

When you really trust someone, and that trust is betrayed, it really — well, it really sucks. Anger and frustration is usually my first reaction, and the hurt follows pretty quickly after. So, what did I do? I turned the kettle on. And as I stood in my kitchen, trying to process my thoughts and gather my words, I just grabbed a box of tea and threw something in there.

It’s an easy thing to grab when you need some comfort. That comfort is multiplied when you head to a friend’s room and she provides you with herbal tea — which, realistically, is probably 10x better for the nerves than anything caffeinated. And then over tea, you sit, you talk, and you find in someone the comfort that your tea-sharing represents in the first place…the communal search for respite.


Although I love being a student here, it’s getting a little old. At this point, someone needs to light a fire under graduation’s butt. I had an information interview earlier, as well, and that made me even more nervous. It was reinforced that, as I wrote earlier, I have awhile before the job-search will be fulfilled. I was told not to expect anything definite until at least the end of May.

Oh boy. 

I need a new apartment, too. I think that is what I am most eager for. Where I live now doesn’t feel like home. I often times take my tea on the road, or go to a friend’s, or sit somewhere else. My apartment just doesn’t ever feel like home. There are a lot of reasons as to why — but nothing I can really fix. I think the idea of living someplace new, not owned by Fordham, and under different circumstances in which I don’t work AND live in said building might be beneficial for my mental health. You really don’t know how much of a toll it takes on you until you’ve done it for three years.

Of course, the thing I am alluding to is being an RA. And, as I said before, I can’t really talk about it. Honestly, it’s been pretty helpful. I’ve had some great times, and then some not-so-great times. And by year three, it hits you like a brick.

So, when on top of all of other senior year issues and general responsibilities, something else — personal — comes out of left field — maybe two things — all I can really do is pour myself another cup of tea, and hope things get better pretty fast.

Spring break (Aka: London, the love-of-my-life-greatest-place-ever-where-wonderful-people-i-love-live) cannot come any faster. Thank god it’s only two weeks away.

Think of all the tea I’ll have then… 🙂 



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